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13 February 2006 @ 04:16 pm
..and thanks to a psychosomatic bout of sickness, i'm off for ANOTHER day - i'll be living off pennies next month at payday...
It must be sttress/jon-role hatred as it flares up in the morning when i'm getting ready for work and it's gone by early afternoon: I'm also entering a nasty cycle where i'm doing absoloutely nothing with my spare time - no gym, nothing contructive, Nothin, nothin NOTHING..... just sat at my p.c chatting bollock on gaydar

Get ur act together, Gazley J - ur better than this!!
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Cee-lo Feat. Timbaland: I'll Be Around
12 February 2006 @ 07:14 pm
Felt the need to add an entry inspired by Toonami...
(yes thats right, i said TOONAMI)

Had a totally top weekend: as in - Finish work on a friday, spent times with mates on a saturday and did sweet F.A on the sunday. Problem with the job i'm is that workin a 1-on, 2-off rota, i very rarely get my full weekend.
Although, in honesty, it's hard to complain about this since the two jobs i'm applying for have exactley the same shift patterns....it's just plain ole' swings & roundabouts....

And why, i hear you ask, did a cartoon channel inspire an entry?????

Well, what else are lazy saturday mornings for????
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Brandy: Nodding Off
11 February 2006 @ 08:37 pm
YAY - i'm actually having more than 2 people in the flat: Small miracle!!!

I've whipped up a batch of Coriander Hummus and have the beers on chill: i tell ya something, if i were a 50's housewife, i'd have been in my element...thou not sure as americana happy home illustrations featured the pinnied housewife pissed, cracking cock jokes, slumpted over the seatee.....Hmmmm: maybe the imagery is not *entirely* fitting..

Still being plagued by very explicit fantasies: it seems that my libido is having somewhat of a Renaissance: at the tender age of 25, my sex drive remains at 14...thankfully without the random erections in double maths lessons!!
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: Pharrell Williams: Mamacita
10 February 2006 @ 07:10 pm
........yep: definately need some "adult fun" methinks..... i used to have shag-buddy once...but he turned straight (not guilty)

On an unrelated topic:-

Goldfrapp gig this sunday: HURRAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Current Mood: hornyhorny
Current Music: Madge: Justify My Love (Beast Within Remix)
24 January 2006 @ 11:51 pm
Started at the gym today! hurrah! Decided that i'd had enough of feeling shit about myself and whinging but doing nothing to remedy the situation so went "ultra-motivated" and took some photo's of me for my "before" pics so i've got a comparison in a few months to spur myself on - and let me tell ya: they weren't pretty!!!!!!!!! I dont think i've ever really been comfortable with my shape....but then again i do enjoy good food and drink....combine this with the fact that i dont have the most iron of will-power and i tend to set myself up for disaster: this time i hope to keep myself in check with a couple of goals

A) best friends weding
b) holiday in june/july

both of these will require kodaking for prosperity an i dont intend to look like the fat, pasty bastard @ stage right!!

*Random Realisation* I no longer know the lyrics to "All I Wanna Do" by Sheryl Crow...how upsetting.

I've got work again on thursday... i can honestly say i really cant be arsed.... i used to be quite judgemental about people on the dole but now i see that it's quite relaxing (if not, on occasion, upsettingly dull) being the master of your own day.

Oh well...nose to the grindstone....
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Roisin Murphy: Through Time
19 January 2006 @ 11:17 am
Well, the cycle begins again:

Current job is driving me up the wall with frustration:- 've gone from a residental support worker to a wet-nurse/nanny as the young person i work with has out-grown her maladaptive behaviour and so now all io have to contend with are her 5yr old tantrums and moods and her insistance on leaving her shit all over the house. But how can i complain??? she's done what most of the kids in my company strive to do - make a positive change??? I dunno, maybe i'm just bored and this is just something else to add to the pile.

I've got a number of job oppertunitie coming up and if i'm brutally honest i'm not 100% sure i want a career in care. One of the ways i'm looking at it is that i've lasted 12 months in it and another couple of months whilst i get an NVQ under my belt wouldn't hurt???

I also have to cnosider whther i should go back into eductaion... Mental health nurse or social worker????? more debt, more home-comfort cut-backs, more budgetting, more struggling *VS.* better job, better salary, better prospects, better CV......

Thay always say that life would be boring if everything where black & white...well, right about now i'd settle for a bit of "Black Boredom", knowwaddamean??

I managed to put the axe to my date, for thos eof you in the know: not an ideal time (during his parents divorce whilst he/they undergo counselling) nor thru an ideal medium (via text) but i actually managed to get it done humanely. I think he understands.I hope he understands


I haven't gone for months!!!! I dont feel as blobby as i thought i might do, but i really ned to rally the enthusiasm back. think i might do one of those "Gym Diaries" to try and keep the motivation up - and he, fter nine months i can send it in to Mens Health and in myself a pair of £110 trainers! Go on my Son!!!!!!!!!!!!!

+note to self+ must cut nails - starting to get the Fu Manchu vibe.....
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: Nas Ft. Lauryn Hill: If I Ruled The World
15 January 2006 @ 09:15 pm
i've just been chatting to an old friend online.. we've been friends since we were kids in schools, probably about 6 or 7. It just strikes me as odd seeing as that when we became teenagers we treated each other like shit: i mean we were AWFUL to each other.... and yet there we were:- we couldn't type quick enough!!! Then you have the alternative: Friends i've made at an age when i know how to treat my fellow man, and we've become as thick as thieves overnight: yet, a year or two down the line, we've fallen off each others respective radars.

I went through a very bad patch of mourning my past and past friends and aquintences when i was in my early twenties: it's not a condition i'm *Entirely* over now, but i'm a lot better: whats gone cannot be replaced VS. those that forget the past are doomed to repeat it. A number of "lost souls" VS. those who i may only see a few times a year but with whom the bond remains as it was, unaffected by time apart.

"Where are you going with this?"

i hear you say ( i hear myself say!!) i dunno - i do miss some of the people that i've lost contact with and the conditions under which we made friends cannot be replicated.

The other issue is that when i do bump into these people the hugs and smiles are free flowing and we launch into a full-scale reminisce about our time together. Drinks are consumed and we part ways but not before we check the mobile numbers we have for each other and swear to whatever deity may be listening that we wont allow for such a length of time to pass again b4 we get in touch.... an we all know how that scenario ends, right???

When you consider i'm such a firm believer in fate, it doesn't make much sense does it??? These people have been removed from my horizon for a reason. And how many times can you drag up the past as a conversation point??? Recounting a flat party back in '99 when so-&-so projectile vomited across the communal kitchen can only gonna raises laughes on *SO* many ocasions.

So, as with contemporary ideology on spirits, i have to aknowledge their presence and let them go.....


To all of you that bought a smile to my face in university,
To those with whom i've abused the company internal email facility,
To those who provided morale support during a cig break,
To those with who i had an after-hours drink with,
To anyone that joined me in taking the piss and making our in-jokes

See ya next lifetime......
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: JiIl Scott: Slowly Surely (Theo Parrish remix)
10 January 2006 @ 08:37 pm
Well, i've got a bit of a style make-over courtesy of Northerncutie (thanx sugar - Gazley J Loves ya) So am feelin more settled in my LJ!

Topic of the week really goes to career..... I really need to get shot of this bag-o'-shite job and go for something were i can combine decent pay and training (it seems that you can *only* have one at a time) I'm planning having a mooch down to salford uni and having a chat with someone at the Openday for the Mental health nursing qualification.... Question is: could i hack genuinely being surrounded by insanity??? As in full on, hard core lunacy rather than the socially acceptable half-fat "crazy" drama we seem to get ourselves embroiled in....

Well,i guess it would scratch an itch or two... I did have plans to go back into eductaion. It is another qualification (which u can never have enough of) And (here's the money shot, peeps) i get a decent bursary...

Hold ya breath kids.... need to do some thinkin....
Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: Vivian Green: Sweet Thing
18 December 2005 @ 12:10 pm
Well, looks like my perdiction certainly came true (thats all i'll say)

Cant belive i've started smoking again: what a twat! Still, the good news is that we've got a new year fast approaching and if i can quit for three yrs on a new yrs day, i can F**ing well do it again! Also need to get back to the gym...the weight is starting to ooze itself back on and the last thing i need i another insecurity complex.

Still dating:- still no closer to having the fire under us (on top of me??) that i want, but fact of the matter is i like spending time with him and the affection i can give him....See, the good news is by this stage he'd have had the "ur sacked" speech since i have this uncanny knack of dating guys for the sake of it or bacuase i really need the validation and they tend to make the first move. I dont think he's gonna be the love of my life, but i like the pace and direction we're going in (though i'm still uncomfortable about calling him my boyfriend)

I guess we're going to have to se where this lil' road takes us!
07 December 2005 @ 02:18 pm
Well, it's been a frankly ridiculous time sinc i last put an entry on here (something i hope to make amends for believe you me)and a lot has changed! I now seem to be more comfortable in my professional skin at work and determined to rough out the storm...which is just the reason behind my entry.....

Ever get the feeling that somethings gonna blow up??? That somethings on the verge of being said that hasn't been?? that the wind of change is gonna blow ur way???? Yeah - thats kinda the vibe i get at the moment: it may all soumd like psuedo-psychic bollox, but cant help but feel 2005 wont pass quietly or without drama.. but where will it kick off??

I've actually got what i want: a lovely guy that wants to spend time with me amd makes me laugh....but...well, it's somewhat lacking in passion... it's more like a really good friend with hugs..lots of 'em (credit where it's due).but in terms of sexual chemistry.....somewhat lacking! And i sure it's an "Elephant in the corner" syndrome ( ya know: Everyone knows it's there but doesn't wanna sound stupid by vocalising it)And even if he's aware of it, do i risk throwing a spanner in the works by brining it up?? After all, i'm more than capable of gettin myself off.... And am i gonna like the answer to the question once i ask for it??? Watch this space.

In terms of work, it's a case of riding out a bad patch. Not so much a case of "If" we get assaulted but "When".And dont even start me on the NVQ work (yikes)

Think that shoudl be all for now....

In a bit kids x